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HI, NAME’S WALLY WILSON WALTERS THE NINTH AND I CAN HIT EM. I BAT 9TH WITH A .999 AVERAGE. HOMERS, I GOT 99 OF THEM. GOT 9 RINGS TOO. 9 PINSTRIPES ON MY OUTFIT TOO. PLUS I WEAR NO. 9. I LIVE ON BEER AND CRACKER JACKS. SAVE ALL THE PRIZES, GOT 999 OF THEM. BUT IT WASN’T ALWAYS THAT WAY. I USED TO RIDE THE BENCH ALL THE WAY FROM CALIFORNIA TO TORONTO. THEY CALLED ME, “WALLY WON’T HIT IT.” BUT NOW, I AM PROVING THEM ALL WRONG. THE STANDS ARE FULL OF FANS CHANTING “WALLY WILL HIT IT.” SQUIRELS IN...

Mitch here. From the way your bangs are lying to the side like a tar mud pie, I can see you've been talking to Cary. Not a good idea. You got a silly Quiff and now you look like a carnival freak show. Stanwyck will never return your calls. You should toss a Pompadour like Elvis, he's a real hound dog. After I started throwing a Pomp, Marilyn said she'd sing me Happy Birthday. Cary really? Guy's batting zero in productive-hair-care. It looks like Al Capone cut his hair with a Tommy Gun. Only a...

Cary here. From the way your hair is sticking up in the air like a wet rooster, I can tell you've been talking to Mitch. Not a good idea. Mitch was all Crew Cut until he rode to Hollywood on a boxcar.

It was me that taught him about the Quiff at the Pacific Dining Car one night over oysters and scotch. Hell, he thought Vitalis was Cadillac oil. He still throws a Pompadour sometimes like Elvis. See how many dates that gets you. He should toss a Ducktail in there like James Dean, then he'd at...