So, ole muddy hears you’re a man suffering from the incorrigible low – T…that’s low testosterone for all you has beens. Well this is for ALL the has beens and never was’es. 

1.        Teach her about the blues. 

2.        Howlin’ Wolf is second….Leadbelly last. Don’t know who is in-between, too busy being Number One. 

3.        Say to her, “I am ready for you, I hope you’re ready for me.”

4.        Sing her a song, but nothing pretty or you’ll be pickin’ daises by the side of the road as she blows past you with Tom Sawyer.

5.        Flip a coin to see where you take her…..heads it’s Little Louie’s, tails we’re eating at the Big Bad Breakfast.

6.        If it’s summer, take her to play in the muddy waters of Dell Creek. What did you think I was still living in Chicago? 

7.        Colder than a witch’s titty up there!

8.        Give her one of your magic picks to show her you care.

9.        Show her your honey hives. 

10.  Smoke the whole time.

11.  For one minute, God forbid you ever let that mouth of yours ever be empty of a Pal Mal cig.

12.  You’re a King Bee, ain’t you?

13.  If she asks you to go see a movie, tell her it’s Drive-Ins only. 

14.  Comb your hair in the rearview, while y’all watch, The Best Years of Our Lives.

15.  At Intermission, tell her Bob Dylan stole that Rolling Stone shit from you and you want it back.

16.  What about the Rolling Stones? Well, they’re a whole lot edgier, so who even cares.

17.  When you take her home, walk her to the door with your guitar slung over your shoulder.

18.  Smoke a Pal Mal unfiltered at the door wearing a white undershirt tucked in with suspenders. Then, whistle at the moon. (don’t howl or she’ll get confused).

19.  If she leaves you without a kiss, tell her, ‘I’ll be crying.’