Mitch here. Sit down at my table, pour a glass of bubbly, straighten up your tie and listen while I tell you about the 32 dating rules. These rules have been hidden by wise men and passed around for years. I got them from

Charlie Chaplin (but he didn’t follow them). We think Buster Keaton started them, but no one really knows. Who the hell cares any way, that’s not going help you when you’re picking up a woman. Here it goes:

1. Compliment her name. Know about names. I got a book once at the...

Luke here. Drag says I am an original and wanted me to give you boys some dating tips. I don’t know what original means. I guess everyone is kind of an original in their own way. I just do what I want and try to laugh a little along the way. Here it goes boys:

1. Squint your eyes a lot like you’re looking at the sun.

2. Always keep the top three buttons of your shirt undone and have some dirt on it too.

3. Go to the barber often to keep the lines on your mane tight.

4. Have dirt on your pants.

5....

HI, NAME’S WALLY WILSON WALTERS THE NINTH AND I CAN HIT EM. I BAT 9TH WITH A .999 AVERAGE. HOMERS, I GOT 99 OF THEM. GOT 9 RINGS TOO. 9 PINSTRIPES ON MY OUTFIT TOO. PLUS I WEAR NO. 9. I LIVE ON BEER AND CRACKER JACKS. SAVE ALL THE PRIZES, GOT 999 OF THEM. BUT IT WASN’T ALWAYS THAT WAY. I USED TO RIDE THE BENCH ALL THE WAY FROM CALIFORNIA TO TORONTO. THEY CALLED ME, “WALLY WON’T HIT IT.” BUT NOW, I AM PROVING THEM ALL WRONG. THE STANDS ARE FULL OF FANS CHANTING “WALLY WILL HIT IT.” SQUIRELS IN...